'Twas a spooky Halloween weekend, and the ultimate horror was still before us. Underground film star Cash Flagg Jr. said he would brave the most terrifying terrors and accompany me to the wilds of New Jersey. We packed our bags for an overnight trip, put them in the trunk, and then gave each other manly nods in slow-motion like a John Woo movie.

Then it was off to the Chiller Convention!

Now I have never been to one of these sci-fi/horror conventions before. They were never something that much interested me. But Cash had been to a few, and he gave me the ins and outs as we made our way there. I wanted to meet movie stars! And watch bootlegs! And look at funny little detailed model kits! Was I disappointed? No.

We got there in record time (about four and a half hours from metropolitan D.C.) and went in the hotel. I didn't realize that these things took up the whole place. But I guess they do, especially Chiller, which is one of the biggest conventions. We had to wade through throngs of guys in leather trenchcoats to get into line. What's up with all of the leather trenchcoats? Why did so many people have them on? Is that the standard outfit? I always wanted one of them, but I didn't think I could pull it off. I think only large black men or bald white guys can really make that work.

Also, I didn't know that people actually dressed up as monsters or robots or whatever at these things. I thought that was always just jokes on television. I mean, I know at those Star Trek conventions everyone dresses up in their pajamas and pins a little communicator on them, but for a general-purpose fest like this I didn't expect it. I was somehow both delighted and saddened to see this was true.

The line we waited in was approximately six miles long, but we got to watch R2-D2 roll around with a really bad Han Solo impersonator. And then came the first celebrity sighting: Richard Kiel, best known as Jaws from the James Bond movies. Sadly, he apparently has a pretty bad bone disease now, and he had to walk with a cane. However, even though he was walking hunched over, he was still several feet taller than me. That guy is huge!

Finally we got our tickets and waded into the gaping maw of the convention. I felt like I was drowning. The place was packed, and there wasn't much room to get around. But there was some very interesting stuff to see, and people to meet. So let's see what magical encounters Cash and I had!

We weren't there very long before I ran into the sweetie stuntbabe Jasi Cotton Lanier. We worked together on my movie "Fifth City" and stay in touch, so it was great to bump into her. Of course, your odds of bumping into someone increases greatly when you hide behind things and follow them. Not to say that I did that, obviously. Because that would be crazy.

Here is Cash getting scared by some severed heads and Oogie Boogie from "The Nightmare Before Christmas." Cash claims he is scared of Oogie Boogie because he's full of worms. Sometimes I get scared of the ventriloquist dummy that lives under my bed.

Look! Cash found him some gen-u-wine movie stars! Seconds later, security was called.

This is Barbara Joyce and her friend Trish, who were sitting at the Seduction Cinema table. Barbara has been in numerous Seduction Cinema and WAVE movies. Unlike Richard Kiel, these two were tiny. Truly it was a day of contrasts.

Here is Scooter McCrae and Stark Raven, the respective director and star of the excellent underground cult classic "Shatter Dead." They were at the Sub Rosa table promoting the new DVD release of the aforementioned film. Scooter is currently finishing his film called "Sixteen Tongues." Can't wait to see that! It's a little disappointing to meet people who have worked on a good, disturbing movie, because they're always nice. I want to think the people who made the movie are weirdo freaks who should be in an insane asylum. But I guess crazy people have too much trouble making movies once you factor in the psychosis and such.

Later on in the day Ron Bonk, the head of Sub Rosa stopped by and introduced me to Linnea Quigley, star of one of my favorite horror films "Return of the Living Dead." It's weird meeting someone who I've watched in films when I was a kid. But she was very cool and didn't kick me in the shin once.

Here is a really offensive Asian stereotype having his picture taken with Sgt. Kabukiman from Troma. Chopsticks = funny!

So that evening Ron Bonk invited Cash and I to join his group for dinner. We ate in one of those retro-50s diners that I love. I sat across from movie star Linnea Quigley, and kept my foot at the ready to kick Cash in the foot should he say something inane. But he acquitted himself nicely when he was able to name the very first Charles Band distribution company, a fact that impressed Linnea greatly.

Wait a minute...all of this...makes us sound like...nerds!

Must watch football and continue this later.

Soon to Come: Part 2, the Party...of Fun!