Eric- Hello Eric, thanks for agreeing to this interview.

Eric- No problem. I'm always willing to do press.

Eric- My, you're a handsome man.

Eric- Thank you.

Eric- So let's get to it. Your new film is called Shockheaded.

Eric- Yes.

Eric- I just saw watched this film, and it was amazing. Suspenseful and intelligent. And there were a few scenes that played just like a horror movie.

Eric- Yeah, I wanted to mix up genres. At heart, it's a film noir mystery, but there are also scenes that you could call horror or action. It's sort of a supernatural film noir.

Eric- Fascinating. For the readers, tell us what it's about.

Eric- A man named Noble, played by Jason Wauer, lives alone in a small hotel room. He doesn't really remember his past, and he keeps having notes shoved under his door, but no one's outside. Some detectives come looking for a woman who used to live there, and he gets visited by a creepy guy (played by Mr. ?) who claims to have the answers. He tells Noble that his answers lie with the missing girl, so the rest of the movie is Noble finding out what happened to her. She was involved in an underground pirate fetish television station.

Eric- An interesting premise! This is quite different than 23 Hours, your previous movie.

Eric- Yes, 23 Hours was more of an action movie. But the openings are similar, in that they're slower paced and are more about building mood. But 23 Hours turned into a kung fu chase movie half an hour in, and this one keeps on track. Of course, the first half hour to 23 Hours is when people were bored.

Eric- Well, there's no possible way anyone could be bored while watching this movie, because it's thrilling…thrilling! Every second!

Eric- That's nice to hear.

Eric- And you have a real live movie star in it!

Eric- Yes, Debbie Rochon. I thought the movie would benefit if someone with some name value played the woman, because she doesn't have a ton of face time until the middle of the movie. There were several people I was considering, but Debbie was easily the best actress. I sent her the script and she agreed to do it.

Eric- Amazing. Where did you shoot her scenes?

Eric- I went to New York to shoot that. We did most of it at my friend's apartment. The rest of the movie was shot in the DC/Maryland/Virginia area, with pit stops in Delaware and Pennsylvania.

Eric- And she was good?

Eric- Oh yeah, I'm so glad that I cast her. She's really a pro. She brought a lot of insight to her character and what she wanted to do.

Eric- And who were the other actors?

Eric- Like I mentioned before, Jason Wauer plays the lead, Noble. He does a great job. I made him smoke unfiltered cigarettes, and he was always able to sell that even though he was close to choking to death. And he plays twitchy well. I like twitchy. Mr. ? plays the Empty Man. He's not a real person, I just created him out of my subconscious and he did his scenes and then disappeared into the ether. Luckily he can never return to this dimension because he didn't sign a release form. We also had Demetrius Parker Sr. and Pete Smak play the detectives, and they're probably my favorite characters in the movie. We're talking about doing a spin-off. And Christi Etcher and Jerry Chen play a few of the sleazy fetish producers. They were great too. It was especially great when Christi had to use a whip and kept hitting herself in the eye.

Eric- Her beautiful eye? Horrors Eric, horrors!

Eric- She was okay. She did it like three times in a row.

Eric- The dedication is simply outstanding. The music score is like little baby angels who make you hot dogs.

Eric- Oh yeah, Jason Russler did that. Isn't it great? It's not simply good for being a low-budget movie, it's just good. I was so impressed when he was creating it.

Eric- I need to see this film again! I simply MUST! Well, unfortunately that's all the time we have today, so I'd like…

Suddenly, fifteen ninjas explode through the walls!

Both Erics- What the…?

Eric- Look out!

One of the ninjas throws a knife at Eric, but the other Eric grabs it out of the air.

Eric- Let's take out the trash!

They have a huge fight, and the Erics kill all of the ninjas except for the leader, who is only wounded.

Erics- How'd you like a HANDwich?

They each punch the ninja on either side of his head, and he explodes.

Eric- Why would anyone try to kill us?

Eric- I don't know. Who would do such a thing?

Suddenly, the floor explodes and out leaps Debbie Rochon!

Eric- Debbie Rochon! Did you send those ninjas?

Debbie Rochon- Yes I did!

Eric- Why Debbie? Why?

Debbie Rochon- Because this is the greatest movie in the history of the universe! How am I supposed to follow it up? I could be like Orson Welles after Citizen Kane!

Eric- That would never happen! You're way too talented and you have such a range of movies you've been in!

Debbie Rochon- It doesn't matter! Today you shall die!

Eric- Look out, she has a talking bomb!

Debbie throws a talking bomb at both Erics.

Debbie Rochon- Suck on this!

Talking Bomb- Yaaaarrrgggggggh!

Eric- Duck!

Both Erics duck as the bomb blows up a mountain behind them.

Eric- Okay, now I'm mad. Eric, let's do move number five!

Eric- Got you!

Eric transforms into a cannon. The other Eric knocks Debbie Rochon in, and they blast her into outer space.

Debbie Rochon- I'll get you next time!

Eric- Well, that sure was an adventure, wasn't it?

Eric- Yeah. What do you want to do now?

They make out.

THE END

Originally published in Hollywood is Burning magazine