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Wow! Is it really time for another
convention? You bet it is! Just sit back and let me guide you through
a different world, where heavy metal is still considered cool and slasher
movies win Oscars! So come on...follow me!
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First off, I had to meet up with
Shockheaded alum Debbie Rochon. I think the top of her eyes must itch
because she's rolling them so far up into her head. I don't know why else
she would do that.
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I think this picture was taken
when we were discussing the best way to align the Hubble telescope.
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Here I am testing a theory, which
is that if I were to look down while standing next to a woman in a low
cut dress, I could see down her dress. Results pending.
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Look! Tom Savini! He's a really
nice guy and I see him at all of these cons, but I've never had my picture
taken with him. He gave me a chocolate covered coffee bean.
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Look! It's Mark Baranowski and
Ryli Morgan! What a cute couple!
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Here I caught proof that ghosts
exist as Ryli modeled for me. See it there? I hope it's not the ghost
of a baby, because that's super depressing.
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I found myself able to appeciate
Ryli in many ways. Actually, two ways. Which are her poker playing abilities
and how nice she is. What were you thinking, pervert?
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Look there! Mike Watt! And he's
showing off his tattoo! Whatever could it be?
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Special NASA technology was able
to clear up the mystery of Mike's tattoo. It's Kermit the Frog! My NASA
contact freaked out when he saw this, and he told me that they've found
several Kermit faces on Mars and the moon, but they've supressed that
information from the American public. I don't know what that means, but
Kermit is funny.
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Mike's Kermit tattoo is as close
as you're going to get to nudity on this page. The question is, are you
disappointed...or satisfied?
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Lookit! Amy Lynn Best! Hi Amy!
How's it going?
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Tim Thomerson? The star of Trancers? Wow! If he had a looser shirt on, I would have totally tried to get a look! Tim was really nice, and he was the person I really wanted to meet at this show.
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Look, Paul Scrabo and Debbie in
a t-shirt! Later that evening we saw Paul's movie "Dr. Horror's Erotic
House of Idiots," which was great. Debbie was presented with an award
for Best Actress from Mincrocinemafest for that movie.
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Wow, look! It's Heather Leigh
Davis! It looks like a spider pooped on her arm!
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Dick Warlock from Halloween! He
played Michael Myers! That's a contact lens he has in his right eye.
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Nikki Irene! She's an actress
and model, and also a Tromette!
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Reggie Bannister! Wow! I love
Reggie...he's always one of the nicest guys in the room. He's too cool
for school, baby! And you can quote me on that!
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It's Charlie Fleming! All weekend
long I referred to Charlie as my "big ol' teddy bear." Then
I made the mistake of calling him that to my face and he kicked me in
both of my testicles.
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Wow, Tiffany Warren, and she's
in a Troma shirt! Tiffany was nice enough to give me a free copy of her
movie. I love anything that's free, unless it's the flu or a kick in the
junk from Charlie Fleming.
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What the...? It's Jason Santo and his wife Sherri. Don't they know how to dress properly for one of these conventions? They came without leather! They came without black! They came without buttons, flermers or snabs!
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It looks like Ryli got stuck in
that melting down nuclear plant for too long, because she grew a third
boobie and...wait a minute, that's Amy!
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Here's Lilith Stabs with her bunny
buddy. Those red eyes were not added by the camera flash. They
were really glowing. Ever since that day I've had bunny nightmares.
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I remember when I snapped this
picture I kept telling Amy that if she tried, she could look right down
Ryli's dress. Amy didn't believe me.
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I would caption this pic, but
it's not like you'd be reading it.
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I think that if I had been punched
a few more times in the face as a kid, I would be a swell heavy metal
mascot. I might call myself "Morgoth, Lord of the Killing."
Mark said that would be totally rad!
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There's some kind of theme running
through these pictures, but I can't think of what it is.
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And now the chaos begins! Amy
and Debbie knew that I had been a naughty, naughty boy. And it's true.
Although they just thought I was generically naughty, the way guys are.
The truth is, I had been secretly selling soda machine blueprints to the
Chinese government. And now it was time for me to be punished!
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I bet Benito Mussolini would have preferred to be punished this way instead of being hung and disemboweled. |
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Innocent victims were involved
as well! Here's Monica Puller, three seconds before Debbie ate her hat.
Debbie said the hat was really spicy. It must be those flames.
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This is just like every day of
my life...hot ladies fighting over me. I'm just glad that Angelina Jolie
wasn't there, because I know for a fact that she uses her fingernails.
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And then I found myself totally defeated. As you can see, Debbie got even and looked down my shirt. Tasting one's own medicine is a bitter experience!
And with that...I'm out! |
