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That night is a full moon. Thomas putters around his apartment, making the traditional college dinner of Ramen noodles. He feels the pull of the moon, beckoning to him. Still, he thinks it is all in his mind. Until...

Sudden pain hits him! What is going on? Could he...could he actually be...a werewolf?

The transformation continues, made all the more horrible by the god-awful tiling on the kitchen floor.

And Thomas becomes a werewolf, open to the carnal desires and fearsome tastes the average werewolf craves.

A short while later, Iggy arrives and throws in a CD, cranking the volume. Because of this, he does not hear Thomas in the other room, stalking him.

Then Iggy has the privilege to be the first victim of Thomas. He is slashed badly, but manages to make it to the bathroom. Here, Thomas has him trapped, and he rips Iggy to pieces (hidden behind the shower curtain for Hitchcockian suspense). Legend has it, whilst filming this bloody scene, the director's roommate who had just got up to go to work (at ten in the evening) walked into the bathroom and matter-of-factly declared that he should use the second one. True? Count Scary does not have this information. He is simply trying not to have a fear attack.

After the killing, Thomas is himself again. He laughs, and digs in his closet. He picks some new clothes for himself, and decides to go on the town, and lip-synchs to Billy Idol's "Dancing With Myself," one of the many musical pieces in the film.

Elsewhere, Slug and the Bobs huddle over some contraband. They check to make sure no one is around. The coast is clear. The begin to dance to "We Got the Beat" by the Go-Gos in a dance scene that would rival any MGM extravaganza. The glory of their dance is interrupted by Thomas, looking normal except for the clothing.

The thugs think and think and think, and decide to beat on Thomas to avenge their earlier humiliation. Slug punches Thomas in the face, and is horrified to see Thomas turn into a wolfman right before his eyes. They have a kung-fu fight scene, which seems to always appear in a Piranha Picture, no matter how out of place.

Count Scary has heard the legend of how during the filming of this scene at one in the morning, the Piranha Pictures crew was completely surrounded by police, as reports of a gang fight came to them. When the police then saw one of the combatants dressed as a wolfman, they laughed, or so the tale goes, and filming was allowed to continue.

Anyhow, Count Scary has gotten offtrack. Slug...poor, poor stupid Slug, so Machiavellian in his plotting toward others, so Daffy Duckian in his stupidity, does not survive the fight. The two Bobs however run off, hopefully to live better lives.

Back in town, Lance and Janet walk along the empty streets. Lance is browbeating her as he usually does, until she can take no more. She leaves him. Lance stammers and stutters, watching her go. He feels the pain of being dumped. And then he feels the pain of Thomas bashing his brains out on a wall, after a good chase that is.

Don't leave yet! The story's not over! Count Scary knows you are scared, but wait. Breathe a little. There, isn't that better? Now we may continue.

Janet is walking home all alone. Then she sees Thomas. Then...to everyone's horror...there is yet another dance scene! This time to 30s swing. They dance and dance, and eventually Thomas takes her back home and they kiss. But there is still the body in the bathroom...

Now we see Dean Grubber, greedily drinking loads of alcohol even though it is ten in the morning. He is visited by Detective Jack Magnum, working for the police. Magnum asks the crusty old dean if he knows anything useful about the death of Lance (Slug was not found and of course Iggy is in Thomas' bathroom). Grubber knows nothing of help. He is sad that the school's star quarterback is now gone, which will slow down revenue. Since Magnum is a cop on the edge who plays by his own rules, he tells Grubber off and leaves.

Thomas wakes up in his apartment next to Janet. He goes to use the bathroom, and to his horror, he finds Iggy, slashed to death. He can't remember what happened the night before. Janet comes into the hall, and like a French farce, he keeps her from going into the bloody bathroom.

The hilarity is interrupted by the arrival of Jack Magnum. He knows that Thomas and Lance had fought the day of Lance's murder, so Thomas is a suspect. After Thomas answer Magnum's questions by lying (example: "I didn't kill him!"), Magnum leaves. Janet also leaves, horrified at Lance's death. After she is gone, Thomas says "You love me," and sinks to the floor.

Now there is only the slight problem of the corpse in the bathroom. Thomas decides to use the hacksaw under the couch to cut up the body. This he does...

...only to run into Jack Magnum again as he is throwing the bag of parts into the dumpster. Magnum asks Thomas a few more questions, then leaves. Thomas dumps the bag and goes back to his apartment.

Thomas again dresses in the outfit that he wore last night for his slaughter. Even though he committed various bloody acts, the clothes are remarkably clean. He runs into Janet, who thinks she should see Dr. Wiederstein to help her cope with the death of Lance. Thomas blows her off, acting rude, but agrees to go with her to make her leave him alone. The power of the wolf is strong in him.

Thomas meets up with Crunchy, who renews her offer for sex. This time, he takes her up on it. They satisfy their carnal lust, and then she asks him what he's doing that night. He tells her he has to see Dr. Wiederstein, and she tells him that she will come to see him then. Thomas says that will be fine, even though he knows Janet will be there. He doesn't care. I am beginning to dislike that boy.

Thomas goes back to see the witch. She tells him that he knows that he is a werewolf, and that he must kill himself. He refuses, saying "I can control my own destiny now." The witch tries to stab him with a knife, but he pushes her away, laughing. He knows what he is, and is sure that he can control his newfound power to use as he sees fit. He's getting to be a real jerk.

That night he joins Janet for her session with Dr. Wiederstein. The moon comes out, but he can't control his transformation. He starts to shake, and Dr. Wiederstein angrily takes him out in the hall, where Thomas stumbles to the bathroom.

For some reason, Dr. Wiederstein decides to kill Thomas. He pulls a machete from under his lab coat and enters the bathroom, using his stethoscope to listen to every stall until he finds the occupied one. He flings open the door...

WARNING!

Read no further unless you have a stout heart, because absolute terror awaits you!

This is your last chance to turn back...

The full, unbridled beast appears!

Horror!

Terror!

The terrifying creature of darkness makes short work of Dr. Wiederstein!

Janet starts to wonder what's taking so long. She goes into the hall...it is very scary in there, I assure you. She enters the bathroom after calling for Thomas, worried that he may be sick. She finds a room full of horrible, horrible blood. So much blood that it drips from the ceiling. Count Scary seems to recall reading about this act of vandalism in the campus paper, even though Piranha Pictures had cleaned up the bathroom afterward. I guess they didn't get it all. Anyway, back to the scares. Janet lets out a scream!

Her scream is heard by Jack Magnum, who is having another meeting with Dean Grubber. He goes to investigate, while Grubber finds solace in his liquor.

Janet runs into Magnum, and breathlessly informs him that Dr. Wiederstein has been killed. He tells her to stay there while he checks it out.

Magnum enters the bathroom and...oh the carnage! He does not find Thomas there, and he leaves to find him.

And here comes our friend Crunchy, skipping down the hallway and tearing flyers off the wall. She hears something coming from one of the classrooms...it's the wolf! She runs as the wolf charges her, but it catches up to her and eats her.

Magnum prowls the halls, trailing the killer. He finds Crunchy's body and starts to head back to protect Janet. Then a voice calls to him.

It's crusty old Dean Grubber! He demands to know what is going on. Magnum tells him to be quiet, but Grubber will have none of it, and continues to scream at him.

Then the wolf shows up and rips his head off.

Magnum chases the wolf, only to lose him in a dark hallway. He looks for him, when suddenly Thomas jumps out in his half wolf state. He implores Magnum to get Janet out of there, because he can't control himself. Magnum runs as Thomas begins to change back to the full wolf. Magnum tells Janet that they are getting out of there, but then the wolf appears and throws him through a door and he is knocked unconscious. Janet runs out of the building with the wolf after her.

Just when it seems like things can't get any scarier, it does! The witch arrives and starts to do a spell on the wolf. Too bad it doesn't work and the wolf kills her.

Oh Lordy! Now Janet is alone with the wolf! Good thing she picked up the pistol that Magnum dropped, and after pleading with Thomas to stop, she shoots him as he charges at her. The wolf staggers away and she cries.

Jack Magnum, a little worse for wear, comes out and sees that Janet has shot the wolf. He sagely observes "There's a lesson to be learned here...but I'll be hanged if I know what it is."

Thomas, now in his human shape, manages to get to the werewolf graveyard, where he dies in the depressing conclusion. Did I ever mention this story was a comedy?

Now didn't Count Scary tell you a good story? You'll be up all night soiling your bed...at least this time you can blame my story for your little accident.

Here is the vandalism report written up in the Virginia Tech newspaper. For months afterward, the unknown perpetrator was referred to as "the sticky red substance man" in the offices of the newspaper. Everyone wondered, who could it be? And why? Now we know.